|
Why love isn't enough for a meth addict to quit using for a meth addict to quit
Tender
heartsKS |
Why love isn't enough for a meth addict to quit using for a meth addict to quit using
Before I ever faced the
true nature of my addiction, I was busy trying to take care of
my addict (now ex-husband). It used to drive me nuts that no
matter what I did, no matter how much love I showed him in every
way possible that I could think of, that he could NOT see the
pain/suffering he was causing. I did not understand why love
alone wasn't enough to 'cure' him.
It wasn't until I was taken to rehab myself that I learned of
the disease concept of addiction. Yes, I know, there are those
who will argue it is not a disease, but I firmly believe it is.
The disease concept makes it much easier for me to understand
why I did what I did, in spite of everyone's best efforts, and
also my ex, and my oldest daughter, who is still using to this
day. It has also helped me to detach with love from the addict.
Cancer is a disease. No matter how much we love someone, we
cannot 'cure' them or put their cancer into remission. It is the
same for addiction. That isn't to say that love and support
can't help someone who is in recovery.
My oldest stopped by yesterday with the grandchildren. It's sad
because I look at her now, and the daughter I used to know isn't
there, at least not visibly. I know that daughter is there deep
inside somewhere, but for now, the disease has taken over her. I
have no more control over her disease than I do the war in Iraq.
I had to let go and let God when it came to my oldest daughter
and my ex. I know, for me, I had to reach a bottom where I was
finally able to reach out and ask something greater than me to
release me from my hell and help me start my life over. The
addicts in my life deserve the same opportunity in their lives
to either eventually embrace recovery, or live their addictions
till they die.
For those of you who are asking at this moment, why can't love
be enough? It's simple. You are no longer dealing with just a
human being, you are dealing with a disease that has completely
taken over his/her soul. Although I can be sarcastic and
skeptical at times, I still believe in the inherent goodness of
mankind, and I have yet, over the past 20 years, to meet a
recovering addict/alcoholic who wasn't a kind, caring, loving
soul.
I continue to keep everyone in my prayers, my own family, the
still-suffering addict, and all of you out there whose lives
have been forever changed because of the addict/s in your lives. |
| Replies... |
hussie
dors |
Re: Why love isn't enough for a meth addict to quit using
Tenderhearts ,, I was
very interested to read your post. Since my addict left I have
been searching for knowledge about what has happened to him,
what has happened to me. I have only just started reading up
about codependency, and I must say that what I have read so far,
has left me feeling to blame, that he is where he is today.
Actually it it has left me feeling quite worthless. It seems
that whatever approach I try it just doesn't work. How are we
supposed to be there for them, and yet be told to let them make
their own mistakes. When I let him run wild with his drugs he
just about destroys the place. So what do we do at that point.?
Kick them out, turn our backs on them. ? I also read that
codependents say they do what they do because they love the
addict. But the authors of these articles , come across as if
that is a bad thing. I really am getting confused about it all.
Perhaps I am reading the wrong articles, and maybe I am trying
to absorb to much to soon. Oh well I guess it is going to take a
lot longer than I thought to understand all of this. I will
continue to read all the interesting posts. |
| Sfj |
Re: Why love isn't enough for a meth addict to quit using
You have no idea how much
I debated before I decided yes or no in replying to this post. I
agree with what you say. I'd also like to add that love has many
different definitions, manifestations, and even translations.
The Greeks, use different words, some would be similar to erotic
love, family or parental love, divine love, brotherly love,
romantic love and so on. There are many forms and a good
interpreter or translator might find many variations and
meanings. I do not want to get into a definition discussion
about a word though.
Anyhow, I can tell you about one particular young fellow. The
dude was pretty strung out on speed, LSD, and occasionally pot.
One day he happened to meet what he considered to be a rather
attractive young lady. But the magic of young romance went into
high gear. Let's say, he ?Fell In Love? with her. In fact, he
was infatuated, he was overwhelmed by her and quite honestly, it
was almost like a fairy tale . It was a new feeling for him,
something he hadn't really experienced before. He was so
enthralled that all the typical cliché such as swimming shark
infested waters, climbing the highest mountain, and fighting off
man-eating alligators, were phrases that could have been used to
describe how he felt. Yes, he was young, impressionable and
hopelessly head over heels in love with this girl. He knew she
would not tolerate a relationship with a meth user. So he quit
using. He really did. And He stayed quit.
I've also seen addicts suddenly quit using drugs upon having a
serious religious conversion such as being born-again and other
descriptions of intensely extraordinary experience.
These situations are very rare, and cannot be planned or
predicted, but every once in a while, they do happen. |
chickp
eakiwi |
Re: Why love isn't enough for a meth addict to quit using
SFj, you have just
described my EX!! He was my old school sweetheart and we had not
been together for about 15 years until last year when we
rekindled our relationship. He left Australia to come home to be
with me. He said he never lost his love for me all those years!!
He was totally head over heels in love with me, while he was
living in Australia he would phone me every night/day, text me
numerous times a day and email me every morning.
He was/is obsessed and infatuated with me just like when we were
teenagers.
He said he would do anything for me, moving home proved that,
within 5 months he was on 'it' again knowing full well how I
felt about drugs. This proved to me that our love for each other
was not strong enough. I have had to accept that, however he has
not. He will not give up since I let him go. He does understand
my reasons and that he is a screw up...and that his addiction
ruined every hope we had in a future. He still says he will do
anything if only I gave him a chance to prove it to me AGAIN....ummm
but my suggestion of seeking help is still falling on deaf ears.
He says he would have not choose meth over me if I had told him
to choose WTF...
Love is not enough.... |
thefunny
farm9 |
Re: Why love isn't enough for a meth addict to quit using
Tenderhearts..
It made me sad to read your post, and the others as well.
Is there really no hope for our addicts? It brings me to tears,
my sister is deep into her recovery right now, but admittedly it
is forced. Court ordered as a matter of fact. She seems so
sincere and is doing so well. Is it only downhill from here?
Any thoughts???? |
| Sfj |
Re: Why love isn't enough for a meth addict to quit using
Yes,
Of Course there is hope. Hundreds and perhaps thousands of meth
addicts recover everyday. This forum has plenty. |
| imlostinky |
Re: Why love isn't enough for a meth addict to quit using
Where there is breath,
there is always hope.
You may not be able to live with the person in the process- but
there is always hope.
No love is not enough but it sure can get lucky sometimes and be
a push in the right direction or a hand to help up.
There is always hope as long as there is breath. |
Tender
heartsKS |
Re: Why love isn't enough for a meth addict to quit using
Quote:
Is there really no hope for our
addicts? It brings me to tears, my sister is deep into her
recovery right now, but admittedly it is forced. Court
ordered as a matter of fact. She seems so sincere and is
doing so well. Is it only downhill from here?
Any thoughts????
Oh no! I am not saying there is no hope!
There is hope ,and miracles do happen. I am an example of
hope and life after meth!
I know I do oversimplify things at times, and as SFJ pointed
out, there can be many different interpretations of love. I
simply share what has worked for me both in my own recovery from
addictions, and my recovery from codependency.
I am just saying that no matter how much we love our addicts,
that alone is not enough for the changes to occur, at least in
my experience over the years.
Don't ever think there isn't hope!. My parents never ever quit
praying for me. Their prayers were answered,
just not in their time, but God's. |
| Guene |
Re: Why love isn't enough for a meth addict to quit using
That was so beautiful and
well said, thanks sometimes it helps to read things like that to
help me keep my mind where it should be, thanks. Love and Hugs |
the
funny
farm9 |
Re: Why love isn't enough for a meth addict to quit using
Thank you for the
replies. You all are the best Really!
This is uncharted territory for us (our family and my beloved
sister) None of us really know what to do and I can't thank you
all enough for the guidance. You are not only replying to me but
all of our family.
Thanks much and we're all praying for all of you on this board
for whatever reason and can't wait for you to meet "our addict"
She's beautiful and wonderful and really funny.
She progressing good in the halfway house, NA etc.
I can't wait for you to meet her.
Thanks all-it means a lot |
Kell
happy |
Re: Why love isn't enough for a meth addict to quit using
I believe there is always
hope, no matter how bad things get.
However, a person cannot "love" an addict "out of addiction".
Only the addict can begin/produce/work at their own recovery.
Knowing they have loved ones loving them might help, but if you
have an addict in your life you cannot "fix" them, not even with
all your love.
I'm not trying to say don't keep loving them...but make sure you
(and they) know that you love them, but won't tolerate dangerous
behavior or help them stay addicted. Sometimes you have to make
very, very hard choices. The co-dependency thing is really hard.
I am an addict (recovering) and a co-dependent, too. I think
talking to other people about it is going to be more helpful
than reading articles. It's easier to relate to people, and to
hear stories and examples, to share and learn and feel.
I'm pretty sure there were some people who loved me while I was
using (most didn't know I was using, I'll bet, I did everything
I could to avoid people who loved me), and I have some wonderful
people in my life. But their love did not save me. It was my
"hitting bottom" and being so miserable that I was willing to
change, to try anything. I was in hell, and I had to find that
shred of hope, cling to it hard, and fight my way out. I think
accepting the love of others is actually a tough thing for me.
Maybe the toughest thing is learning to love myself. In
treatment we talked about self-esteem and self-worth. It's tough
for me to acknowledge my self-worth a lot of the time.
Maybe being able to love ourselves is what is enough.... |
scared
ma |
Re: Why love isn't enough for a meth addict to quit using
Tenderheart all I have to
say is I THINK YOU ARE AWESOME. I really mean that. God Bless
You. |
sdm
sanjose |
Re: Why love isn't enough for a meth addict to quit using
tell it like it is!
That is another reason why I admire
TenderheartsKS. |
Tender
hearts
KS |
Re: Why love isn't enough for a meth addict to quit using
Just some added thoughts
after reading responses. I think Kell hit the nail on the head
when she was talking about loving ourselves.
To me, this is also a disease of the heart, if you will. I knew
people loved me, especially family, despite what I was doing to
myself. I was incapable of feeling that love because my
self-hatred and loathing was immense. It's like I was cut off
from the neck down.
This is a disease of feelings. I sought to escape those feelings
I didn't like, the damnable loneliness (I remember feeling
incredibly lonely in a room full of people), the low
self-esteem, the anger, frustration, and resentments. The
euphoria from the drug temporarily blocked out those feelings.
When the high was over, those feelings came flooding back
tenfold. Thus the progression in my use of more frequently, and
higher amounts.
I am so grateful today that I can experience the whole spectrum
of feelings, even the unpleasant ones such as anger. Today I can work through those feelings, not bury them with chemical peace of mind.
I am a recovering addict/alcoholic, and I have been clean and sober since
August 5, 1990. |
the
funny
farm9 |
Re: Why love isn't enough for a meth addict to quit using
Thanks for the great advice, one thing I noted in your post that
my sister mentioned today is the feeling actual feelings. She
said that it has been so long since she has experienced anything
without medicating it with meth, she is completely overwhelmed.
But she is working hard at dealing with all of that.
Thanks for the advice, God Bless |
starr
gazzer
1972 |
Re: Why love isn't enough for a meth addict to quit using
My husband is an addict.
I came here for help. I had to leave him for 6 months. I filed
for divorce and I was miserable. He had to hit rock bottom to
see what he was doing to me and our family. He now understands
the consequences of his actions. But love will not cure them.
Sometimes we have to walk away from them in order for them to
see. I have my husband back...drug free. He had to want this for
him, not me or the kids. |
Broken |
Re: Why love isn't enough for a meth addict to quit using
I believe LOVE is exactly
what many people need to quit Meth or any addiction for that
matter. At least it is in my case.. ...let me finish before you
judge me please. I am talking about loving ones self...
I spent a life time hating myself and everyone and thing in the
world. When you have nothing to live for except the next
high...well its pretty hard to give that up...
But if someone would just happen to show you some love and that
your worthy of being loved...well then you find a whole knew
reason to live.
Love is a beautiful thing and nothing in the world is stronger
or can overcome love.42-daze Peace Broken
It covers all things,
it has faith for all things,
it hopes in all things,
it endures in all things. |
thefunny
farm9 |
Re: Why love isn't enough for a meth addict to quit using
Broken,
Thanks for that post. You made my day
That is exactly what I am trying to give my sister. I know its
not the same as a spouse or sig other, but she has neither so I
am trying to show her she has someone that cares no matter what.
I am not leaving her (mentally) during her recovery and if she
stumbles, I will help her up. I hope she won't though because
what you said about Love is so right.
My sister cannot believe that we all love her-she thought she
was alone for so long.
Its sad that it was only when she got into trouble that we all
showed how much we love her.
If I could go back in time I would but I can't so I just want to
be here for her now.
My sister is 51 days clean today*******
Hooray |
See also:
A plan for helping a loved one who uses meth
Do loved ones ever learn to love again?
Why do people take drugs
Back to Crystal Meth & Methamphetamine Questions, Answers & Advice
THIS SITE DOES NOT PROVIDE
MEDICAL ADVICE. The information provided is for educational purposes only and is not a
substitute for professional medical advice.
Always seek the advice of your health care professional if you have a specific
health concern.
|
